Yes. You’ve been emotionally unsafe since I met you.
11 years ago.
I’ve always been a roller coaster Terry.
My whole life I’ve been emotional and moody and unpredictable.
And I’m the kind of roller coaster that Elie would love because every time you ride it, it takes different turns and loops and it’s never the same ride.
Except one thing is always true. You get to decide whether or not to ride.
I don’t believe in forever. Everything ends. So far I’m two marriages down and...a whole lot of other relationships wreckage from my 40 trips around the sun.
You told me yesterday that you need consistency to feel safe. If you wanted a predictable schedule—wake up at 6:13 am everyday, get the kids off to school, head to our socially-emotionally fulfilling but barely above minimum wage jobs, get the kids, homework, cook dinner, read stories, kiss and snuggle and then go upstairs and do some knitting and watch a tv show and do some kissing and snuggling of our own...rinse, repeat. Day in and day out.
I’m sorry.
You married the wrong person. Get out now because you have the fucking best version of Nehama Benmosche fitting that mold and model right now...which is basically a Farmer’s almanac level of reliability for predicting tomorrow’s temperatures.
But if the consistency you want is loyalty, safety—knowing that I would take a bullet for you or our kids. That I will always come back, even if i tell you that I fucking hate you and i wish I had never met you (ask jacob). Or if I scream Fuck You at the top of my lungs at you when you tell me some bullshit line about how it’s easier to be with Mel (see Shayna for details). Fuck man, you’ve seen the texts from last week to Jennifer and I have been to the brink of the grave and back with her bullshit enough to have walked away and never looked back.
The consistency I have to offer is my love. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to do consistently with anyone.
This text is a blog post at this point. Maybe I shouldn’t even click send…
This
https://youtu.be/_5ODN-9Mob0
has been my new favorite song. It makes me think of my friend Ela. And my ex-friend Ezra. And in my glimmers of self love that slip through my fingers so fast that I only usually see like flashes of lightening in a storm...in those moments...I think that the universe wrote this song about me.
11 years ago.
I’ve always been a roller coaster Terry.
My whole life I’ve been emotional and moody and unpredictable.
And I’m the kind of roller coaster that Elie would love because every time you ride it, it takes different turns and loops and it’s never the same ride.
Except one thing is always true. You get to decide whether or not to ride.
I don’t believe in forever. Everything ends. So far I’m two marriages down and...a whole lot of other relationships wreckage from my 40 trips around the sun.
You told me yesterday that you need consistency to feel safe. If you wanted a predictable schedule—wake up at 6:13 am everyday, get the kids off to school, head to our socially-emotionally fulfilling but barely above minimum wage jobs, get the kids, homework, cook dinner, read stories, kiss and snuggle and then go upstairs and do some knitting and watch a tv show and do some kissing and snuggling of our own...rinse, repeat. Day in and day out.
I’m sorry.
You married the wrong person. Get out now because you have the fucking best version of Nehama Benmosche fitting that mold and model right now...which is basically a Farmer’s almanac level of reliability for predicting tomorrow’s temperatures.
But if the consistency you want is loyalty, safety—knowing that I would take a bullet for you or our kids. That I will always come back, even if i tell you that I fucking hate you and i wish I had never met you (ask jacob). Or if I scream Fuck You at the top of my lungs at you when you tell me some bullshit line about how it’s easier to be with Mel (see Shayna for details). Fuck man, you’ve seen the texts from last week to Jennifer and I have been to the brink of the grave and back with her bullshit enough to have walked away and never looked back.
The consistency I have to offer is my love. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to do consistently with anyone.
This text is a blog post at this point. Maybe I shouldn’t even click send…
This
https://youtu.be/_5ODN-9Mob0
has been my new favorite song. It makes me think of my friend Ela. And my ex-friend Ezra. And in my glimmers of self love that slip through my fingers so fast that I only usually see like flashes of lightening in a storm...in those moments...I think that the universe wrote this song about me.
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